Ugh.

Sometimes blogs are therapy. This post might be one of those times.

Friday was Day One of our yearly family vacation with Nani, Botsie and the rest of the Whitacre side of the family (minus my little brother this year. Boo.) It was the first leg of a two-day drive. The long, 8-hour variety kind of first leg. With 2 toddlers. Let's just say I had low expectations for how this day would go.

Our morning started at 5:15 am when Paige woke up, so excited that she couldn't stand being in bed one second longer. Off to a great start.

I will spare you the details and fast-forward to the end of the day. Both girls were napless. We were 30 miles away from our hotel, and I made the entire caravan pull over so my poor niece, Gracie, (who was sitting between the girls in the backseat) could escape our car and climb in with someone else. Why, you ask? Because Paige kept hitting and kicking her. And Blair had been screaming. For an hour and a half. Straight. And her scream sounds a heck of a lot like a large animal is being tortured. And said animal is plugged into an amplifier.

So, we get back on the road. Both girls are a train wreck. Paige has already had swimming in the hotel pool taken away from her (which broke my heart a little, because it was all she had been talking about for days). You can imagine how well that went for my little drama-queen pterodactyl. The decibel level multiplied exponentially.

I may or may not have screamed "SHUT UP!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!"

Okay. I did.

And I am sitting between them. Sobbing. Seriously - crying like I haven't cried in a long time. Which, if any moms out there are looking for an ace-in-the-hole way to get your kids to quiet down in an instant, is the way to go. I think it scared the shit out of both of them. Blair was even patting my arm.

It was NOT a proud day. I'm pretty sure the rest of my family was scared to make eye contact with me the rest of the evening.

Both girls went to bed without dinner. I broke my vow for a "health cation" and had a healthy glass of wine instead (really - what the hell was I thinking to try to cut calories by not drinking on vacation?!?!?). I watched about 10 minutes of a horrible opening ceremonies for the Olympics. And I went to bed.

Game over. Throw in the towel. Call it a day. There are few worse things than going to bed and feeling like you have had an absolute fail. Not only a shitty day at work, but a fantastically horrible failure at the most important job ever - raising other human beings. Who I just taught to deal with stress by spanking, screaming and crying. I absolutely LOATHED the mommy I was today. And that just sucks.

Yep. Take notes other moms. This is what NOT to do.

I slip into sleep hoping knowing that tomorrow will be better. Wondering if it will ever get easier. Knowing it will most likely only get more difficult.

Oh well. At least they're cute, right?

I was worried we left Paige at McDonalds, but then I found her. Under this blanket. Phew!

Silly Bun-bun wanted to sit on Blair's head. At least that's where she kept putting him.